I've been laid off for the past week which has driven me to an interesting place. I can't afford my modest rent this month and I'm feeling like a steaming pile of loser crap. Contemplating my work history and debt-pile are increasing this feeling exponentially. But at least there's Facebook. It's an addiction worthy of a label.
I'm so sick of it and can't do without. I think the internet is wonderful and makes us all way too self-involved. Wonderful because of the shopping and convenience. Awful because of what it can do to a person's social life and/or social skills. I'm afraid that the internet and social networking will make people even more socially inept than is usual.
I'm kind of sick of convenience, truth be told. I'm driving my car less (also feeling unhappy with myself naked is helping there) and lusting after Cardio...What I wouldn't do for a gym membership, a step class and a nice treadmill!!! But with what I'm making right now, I can't afford much. I'm down to rent/utilities, car insurance and phone. No extra money anywhere. It just isn't there right now.
I've been waiting for this inheritance for going on 4 years now. It's not much, but it would certainly get me a good start on a new wardrobe, or a VERY nice vacation...Or relocation. I'm kind of obsessed with Rochester NY right now. But that's probably not going to happen. SO back to convenience and the sickness of it. I guess I feel like We're all turning into mole people. Squinting in the dark, E-dating, Emailing, E-shopping... Get an E-life!!! Oh, wait. You can! You can even live an alternate life online with a fancy avatar who can do things you're either too out of shape or too old or too whatever, to do for yourself. You can live an entire life, separate from anything that resembles your own. You can become important or sexy or female or whatever!
Blech. No thanks. I already feel like my life is divided. I miss my pre-computer life. You know, the one where I actually did things like paint, write and leave my house. So I'm going to work on that. Lap Tops are amazing. They are also the Devil. I just need to clarify my conflicting feelings. I like convenience for sure, that's American Yee-Haw. But I think I want some things to be different. No perfect man is going to come into my life and marry me because of the internet... At least, I'm not going to meet him on Adam4Adam or some other deplorably cruisey spot. I say deplorable like cookies are deplorable. I like and fight my cravings for them all day, and usually the cookies win out over my paltry willpower (says the queen who's beat Crystal Meth and for the most part, Nicotine) for both Chocolate chips and furry pecs. Hmph.
I would just like to harken back to a simpler time when a man can reject me to my face in a darkened bar with crappy music, instead of through a screen that I forlornly and nervously stare at in the safety of my own bedroom. I'm just saying that I think sometimes the way we use the internet can change our feelings about the places we feel safe by adding an element of unpredictability and hostility or even danger. I wonder of the telephone brought these issues up when it became commonplace? I guess this line of questioning makes me officially old. No worries. I feel that way anyhow.
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